Crazy for Leaving You
by OfficerKennedy
Summary: Matt is hiding a guilty secret? how will Tai react when he finds out? *warning* full of taitoy goodness!
1. Default Chapter

Notes : Okies back again with another new story, Still working on the closing chapters of father and son, but they should be around soon. Nothing really to warn you about here, just there's Taito, as usual.  
  
Crazy for leaving you  
  
Chapter one  
  
The digidestined had gathered for a sleepover organised by Kari. As their parents were away for the weekend, Tai and Kari had decided to hold a party where everyone would sleep over afterwards. The decorations, food, drink and music were ready, and now they were waiting for the arrival of their guests. Tai smiled to himself as he finished getting dressed. He had picked out tight black trousers and a loose fitting white shirt. He knew Matt loved him in that outfit, and Tai was eager to please his boyfriend. The pair had been dating for just over a year now, and things were perfect. Flashing a grin into the mirror on his bedroom wall, Tai ran to answer the door. He opened it to be greeted by Joe, Izzy and Cody. He greeted them and welcomed them in. "Wow, this place looks great"!. Joe said, staring around at the carefully arranged food and decorations. Kari grinned and came from the kitchen carried a large bowl of punch. "What's in that"? Tai asked.  
  
"Fruit juice, some soda, you know, the usual". Kari replied setting the bowl down.  
  
"I believe that was Tai's away of enquiring to it's alcohol content". Izzy commented. Kari was about to reply, but was distracted by someone ringing the door bell. "I'll get it". Cody offered.  
  
Over half an hour later, all of the digidestined had arrived. Kari stayed pretty busy in the kitchen, making more food and pouring drinks. She was being helped by TK, and being bugged by Davis. Izzy and Joe were discussing some new software for Izzy's laptop, whilst Ken and Yolei were slow dancing to a love song that was playing. Sora was showing Cody how to dance. Meanwhile, Tai and Matt were stood by the food table. Matt was smiling as he watched his boyfriend devour a whole plate of food. "You'll indigestion, and then where will you be"? Matt teased.  
  
"Well I'm sure my love will help me". Tai replied, putting down the plate and hugging Matt. "Don't be so sure, your wind is pretty killer". Matt laughed at the look on Tai's face.  
  
"I don't hear you complaining about being so close to me now, do you"?  
  
"No..ok, you win this time". Matt said as he pulled Tai in for a kiss. Tai responded by slipping his tongue into Matt's mouth whilst running his hands through his love's hair. Matt moaned and leaned in closer. "You guys need to get a room"! Davis complained, grabbing a cup of punch.  
  
"Oh you're just pissed because Kari told you to go away at last". Tai joked as he broke away from Matt. "Awww, poor Davis, don't be so mean Tai". Matt said sympathetically.  
  
"Yeah Tai don't be so mean, or I'll set Jun on you again"!. Davis smirked. It was common knowledge that Tai and Jun had dated briefly. "Permission to strangle him"? Tai asked, turning to Matt.  
  
"Permission denied". Matt replied, laughing. "Permission to hug your boyfriend, granted". He added. Tai smiled and pulled Matt in for another hug. Matt motioned for Davis to run while he could.  
  
**  
  
An hour later, the digidestined were sat in a circle playing spin the bottle. Davis had just moved the bottle so it landed on Kari, he started to kiss her, before she pushed him away. "Ok Joe, your turn". Tai said. Joe nodded and spun the bottle, it landed on Izzy. The others laughed, knowing that Joe would never kiss a guy. He was totally straight. Joe simply smiled, leaned over and kissed Izzy directly on the lips. The others gasped in shock. Izzy blushed and Joe grinned. "Surprise guys". He said.  
  
Once the others had recovered from the shock, Kari suggested they play truth or dare. The others agreed and Sora had agreed to go first. "Ok, Matt truth or dare"? She asked.  
  
"Um..truth". Matt replied, seeing it as the safer option.  
  
"Right then, what really happened to my tennis racket that you borrowed". Sora asked, a smile playing on her lips. Matt turned red. "Come on Matt, tell her". Tai said, laughing.  
  
"Ok, ok, Me and the band thought it would be fun to go down to the local park and hit rocks...then bigger rocks". Matt replied, sounding embarrassed.  
  
"So that's how Akemi ended up with a broken nose"! Sora giggled. "Alright, you're forgiven, it's your turn".  
  
"Hmmm...TK truth or dare"? Matt asked.  
  
"I'll take Dare". TK replied, smiling.  
  
"Good choice". Matt smirked. TK gulped. "I dare you to ask Kari out on a date, since you like her so much". TK went a deep shade of red, and shot a deadly look at his older brother who simply smiled. TK stood up and asked if he could talk to Kari in private, after the two of them had left, the game broke up into a conversation. "Finally those two will get together". Sora remarked.  
  
"Yeah, it's obvious they really like each other, maybe Matt's dare was the push they needed". Tai agreed.  
  
"Matt's dare was pretty tame though, I mean have you ever played with him and his band"? Joe asked.  
  
"No, why?, have you"? Tai replied, sounding slightly concerned. The group didn't really know that much about the other side of Matt's life. "Joe, shut up". Matt warned.  
  
"Let's just say those guys are wild". Joe said quickly, avoiding Matt's death stare.  
  
"Hey guys, I just need to go to the toilet". Matt said quickly, he stood up and walked out before anyone could say anything. "Was it something I said"? Joe asked. The others shrugged.  
  
"Maybe the punch finally got to him". Tai said, smirking.  
  
"You should go and see if he needs some help"! Davis said suggestively. Tai frowned and hit him on the head.  
  
**  
  
Matt ran towards the bathroom, he passed Kari and TK who were too busy passionately kissing to notice anyone but themselves. Matt found the correct door and dashed in. He locked the door and sat down on the toilet lid, breathing heavily. His mind was racing with a thousand thoughts a second. He fought back tears as he gripped his wrist tightly. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths to try and regulate his breathing. Using his free hand, he fumbled in his pocket, he located what he was looking for and withdrew it from the pocket. He closed his fist around the object. He opened his eyes and his fist, and stared down at the razor blade. He tried to shut out the thoughts, the bad thoughts, the insane thoughts. The thoughts that told him he should do it. The thoughts that wanted to control him. He had to fight them. Yet, his hand would not drop the blade, they wanted to hold it, feel the cool metal. Matt allowed the tears to form in his eyes as he watched his hand move to his wrist and roll up the sleeve. He continued to watch as his hand moved the edge of the blade to his skin. He saw tears drop onto the thick material of his black sweater as the thick, red liquid ran down his wrist. He sat, in a daze. He felt hypnotised as he saw the blood slowly make it's way to the palm of his hand. His survival instinct kicked in, as he ripped toilet paper off the holder and held it to the cut. He continued to apply pressure as he ran water into the sink. He then plunged his wrist into the full basin. He watched as the water became tainted with blood, turning it pinkish. A knock at the door startled him, the blade dropped to the tiled floor, a few droplets of blood splashing on the tiles. "Matt, hurry up! There's others waiting!, namely me"! Davis complained, hammering on the door. Matt roughly wiped his face and pulled the plug in the sink, making the coloured water disappear. "I'm coming, give me a minute"! Matt called back, wiping the blood off the floor and blade. He slipped the blade in his pocket and flushed the stained toilet paper down the toilet. The wound was still bleeding slightly as Matt rolled his sleeve back down. However he knew that there would be no tell- tale staining as the material was too dark. He unlocked the door, opened it and stepped out. "God finally!, what were you doing in there"! Davis said as he dashed in.  
  
"None of your business". Matt replied gruffly. He calmed himself back down before entering the lounge. Silently he congratulated himself for keeping his habit a secret for so long.  
  
Notes : Ok, end of the first part!, as always I love any feedback good or bad, however, any bad feedback, I would insist it be CONSTRUCTIVE. For instance a tip on how to improve my writing, no flames!. Apart from that, hope you enjoyed reading this first part, and expect the next part soon!. 


	2. Crazy for leaving you 2

Notes : Here's the second part of the story! No new warnings, still Taito. So without further ado..here's part two! (ooh that rhymed!)  
  
Crazy for leaving you  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Tai stared around the lounge, everyone was in their sleeping bags, and by the looks of it, asleep. Tai turned on other side and smiled at the lump laying beside him. Matt was facing him, so Tai could see his face. Tai had always thought that Matt looked so peaceful as he slept. Almost like an angel. Tai smiled wider and reached over, gently stroking his lover's cheek. Matt's eyes opened and Tai was granted with the sight of the beautiful azure orbs. Matt smiled at him slightly. Still looking sleepy. Tai smiled back and leaned in, kissing his forehead. "How about we go in the other room Angel"? Tai asked. Matt nodded his agreement and moved to get out of his sleeping bag. "No, no Angel, stay right there". Tai whispered, he put his arms under his boyfriend and lifted him up, cradling him like a child. Matt rested his head against Tai's chest and closed his eyes. Tai smiled at Matt as he carried him into the hallway. Tai opened the door to his room and gently set Matt down on the bed. Matt's eyes opened as Tai shut the door. Tai then joined Matt on the bed. He helped Matt out of his sleeping bag quietly. He then kissed his lover passionately. Matt responded, allowing Tai entry. Tai's tongue gently explored Matt's mouth. Matt was suddenly aware of Tai's hand on the waistband on his pyjama trousers. "This is a very silly little top". Tai smirked, breaking away from the kiss, he straddled Matt and started to remove Matt's top. Unexpectedly, Matt pushed Tai off him so violently, Tai fell to the floor with a thump. "Matt, what are you doing"? Tai asked, looking hurt.  
  
"I'm sorry Tai...I.I don't want this". Matt muttered. He turned his back to Tai and covered himself with the sleeping bag. Tai nodded, blinking back tears. He stood up, and left the room, closing the door gently behind him.  
  
**  
  
The morning sunlight shone through the curtains, Matt opened his eyes and stared around the room. For a second he had no idea where he was. Then the events of the previous night returned to his memory. The blood, the cut, pushing Tai off, the hurt look on his face. Matt sighed deeply and swung his legs over the bed. He rubbed his eyes and opened the bedroom door. He could hear sounds from the lounge, informing him that the others were all awake. "Hey Matt where were you"? Joe asked as Matt entered the lounge.  
  
"Oh, um..". Matt began.  
  
"He wasn't feeling too good last night, so I thought a proper night's sleep in a proper bed would do him good". Tai replied quickly. Matt nodded his thanks, Tai didn't look too happy. "Are you feeling better now?, want me to make you some toast"? Kari offered, looking concerned. "No thanks, I'm alright. If you don't mind I'll just get my things together and go". Matt muttered his reply. TK stepped towards his brother and rested his hand on his older brother's arm. "But Matt, we were gonna go somewhere, all together". He said with a cheerful smile.  
  
"You can still do that without me Teek, besides I'm still feeling a little sick". Matt replied, managing a half smile. TK nodded, looking slightly hurt. Which was all Matt seemed to do these days, he thought, hurt people. "You sure you don't want to come"? Tai said, staring directly at this boyfriend. The look Tai gave him, made his comment seem more like a statement than a question. Matt chewed his lip for a second, the least he could do was go somewhere with Tai. He owed him an explaination as to what happened last night. The only trouble was, how to make up a convincing lie to cover up the real truth.  
  
**  
  
"Come on Ken!, you gotta be on my team". Davis whined. The group had decided that a day in the park playing soccer was a good an activity as any. "Why exactly"? Ken smirked.  
  
"Cos you're ALMOST as good as me!, if we're on the same team we'll win"! Davis replied.  
  
"You're forgetting me and Tai"! Sora interrupted.  
  
"Tai's not playing". TK replied quietly.  
  
"What?, Tai not playing soccer"? Davis' jaw dropped.  
  
"He said he wanted to talk to Matt". Kari said, appearing behind TK. She motioned over to a wooden picnic bench where Tai and Matt were sitting.  
  
**  
  
"What happened last night Matt"? Tai asked, a concerned look distorted his usually cheerful face. "I don't know what you mean". Matt muttered, keeping his eyes fixed on the brown wood of the table top. "What happened Yamato". Tai repeated. His use of "Yamato" made Matt look up. He only ever called him "Yamato" when he was mad. "I'm sorry Tai". Matt said softly.  
  
"Look at me Matt". Tai replied gently. Matt slowly lifted his gaze and met his boyfriend's dark brown eyes. Tai seemed to stare into him, as if he could see his soul. "I'm really worried about you, last night you seemed so off. I mean I know we've never tried going all the way before, but it felt so right. You seemed so scared, I could see the fear in your eyes Matt. I'm really worried".  
  
"I'm alright". Matt replied quietly.  
  
"Yeah and Joe is dating Izzy"! Tai said sarcastically, however, he remembered that Joe WAS in fact dating Izzy. He looked sheepish as he continued. "Ok, bad example. Please don't try to pacify me with lies Matt, you're not alright". Tai reached over and took Matt's hand. "I'm sorry, I just got shocked that's all. I wasn't expecting it, I panicked". Matt lied.  
  
"Matt, has something happened to you"? Tai asked.  
  
"What do you mean"? Matt replied a little too sharply. He felt his heart rate increase.  
  
"You seemed so scared of being that intimate. Have you been...". Tai trailed off.  
  
"God! No!, no, nothing like that". Matt said quickly. "You just took me by surprise that's all, I'll be ready next time". Matt managed another false smile. Tai smiled too.  
  
"Good, so what are you doing tonight then"?  
  
"Band practice, sorry".  
  
"It's ok, mind if I tag along?, after all, I am your biggest fan". Tai smirked.  
  
"Um.sure". Matt said uncertainly.  
  
"Great!, now then, let's get to that game"!. Matt faked another smile. It was obvious that their little talk had pleased Tai and put his mind at rest. However, Matt knew that eventually he would run out of excuses for them to not have sex. He was too ashamed of his own body to let Tai see it. The scars from previous cuts were all over him and it would kill him for those to be revealed. Matt sighed as he followed his boyfriend, and slipped his happy face on.  
  
**  
  
"Not bad, nice drumming Akemi". Gendo said as the song came to an end.  
  
"That's always been my favourite". Akemi replied.  
  
"Wouldn't be anything to do with the long drum solo now would it"? Toshiki teased, jabbing Akemi in the ribs. The band took a break for a while to relax. Tai , who had been sat at the back of the hall watching, decided to take the chance to get a drink. There was a small vending machine just beside the entrance. Tai was just putting the change in when Gendo joined him. "Good tunes there". Tai said as he selected a soda.  
  
"Thanks, we're really bringing this together, we expect to get some gigs pretty soon. Matt's guitar playing has really come on. Let's all hope he's stopped his other little habit". Gendo replied slipping his own change in the machine.  
  
"His habit?, does Matt smoke"? Tai asked, shocked.  
  
"Oh, sorry, I just assumed you knew about Matt. I don't know if I should say. There must be a reason he doesn't want you to know". Gendo noticed that Tai looked incredibly hurt at this last comment. He sighed. "Look just chill here for a second, I'll be right back". Tai watched as Gendo disappeared back into the practice hall. Seconds later he emerged with a large ring binder-type folder. He started to rifle through it. "No offence Gendo, but your music notes won't do much good". Tai said watching the frantic band member. "Shit!, it's not here!...oh.no wait! Here it is". Gendo grabbed a piece of pink writing paper. Tai recognised the paper from the pad that was beside the phone at Matt's house. Gendo folded the paper up and handed it to Tai. "Don't read it here". Gendo ordered. He grabbed his pen, which was clipped to the side of the file. He found a blank piece of paper and scribbled something down on it. He handed that to Tai as well. "Read this after you've read the pink one. If you read it before it won't make sense". Gendo explained.  
  
Tai felt a lump of fear in his throat. There was something wrong. Something wrong with Matt.  
  
**  
  
"Well I guess I should go in". Matt muttered. He and Tai were stood outside the apartment Matt and Mr Ishida shared. "I'm a little bit late, Dad will wonder where I am".  
  
"Alright Matt, well, how about you come to mine tomorrow?. Kari and TK have organised a trip to the digital world. I thought we could go too, see Agumon and Gabumon. What do ya say"?  
  
"Sure Tai, can't think of anything I'd rather do". Matt smiled a bit. The thought of seeing Gabumon pleased him. "Alright, well I'll see you at my place at ten tomorrow. You better go in". Tai replied, pulling his boyfriend in for a hug. Matt hugged back weakly. Tai kissed him before watching Matt enter his flat. Tai sighed and felt for the notes in his pocket. They were still there, he guessed it was safe to read them now. Tai started on his way home, he decided to stop off at the park to read the notes. That way, he wouldn't be waylaid by his mum or Kari.  
  
Tai seated himself on his favourite bench when he arrived at the park. He immediately dug into his pocket and withdrew the two notes. He laid Gendo's note beside him and opened up the pink note. He gasp as he started to read.  
  
Dear Gendo, Hey, it's me. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I did it again. Three times. I know it was wrong of me and everything, but I got so down last night, I didn't know what else to do. I don't even know why I do it. I guess for a while it makes me feel better. I've always thought people who cut themselves were a bit nutty, but I guess that makes me nutty. It's become a habit, and as I told you and the guys, I do it worse and worse everytime. The cuts get longer, deeper..more often. I don't know what sparked me to do it last night, I was having such a great time at Tai's house. That's where I am now, sat in Tai's bed writing this, it's about three am I think. I did it twice before I came and once when I was here. It was a close call, I was interrupted by Davis, I guess if he hadn't have needed the toilet, I'd have done it again. Please don't tell anyone this...especially not Tai, it'll hurt him so...I know he'd hate me for keeping this from him, but it's for the best. Sorry for doing it again.I just thought you should know.  
  
Yamato (one sick dude)  
  
Tai was in tears by the end of the letter. Shaking, he picked up Gendo's note.  
  
Tai, I know that will have come as such a shock to you, we only found out in a truth game, we were sworn to secrecy, I left my number at the bottom if you want to call me. Gendo  
  
Tai stuffed both the letters back in his pockets. He wiped his tears away. He stood up and made his way home..  
  
**  
  
"Hey Tai, mom says there's some..." Kari began as her brother entered the apartment. She was cut off however, as her brother stalked past her and slammed his bedroom door hard. Kari frowned. She made her way to Tai's door and knocked. "Go away". Came the reply.  
  
"Tai what's wrong?, have you had a fight with Matt"? She asked, a worried look crossing her face. "What part of go away don't you understand? And don't say that name around me"! Tai yelled back. Kari gulped, she made her way to the phone and began to dial...  
  
Notes: That's another chapter done!, next one coming soon! 


	3. Crazy for leaving you 3

Notes: Hmmm.nothing new so just read and enjoy!  
  
Crazy for Leaving you 3  
  
Matt started at the blanket on his bed. The patterns on it all seemed to swirl into one. He blinked rapidly. Perhaps the blood loss was getting to him. Matt shook his head, fighting away the faint feeling that was quickly rushing over him and taking over his body. He couldn't faint, he wouldn't let himself. The door was unlocked, if his dad walked in, then his secret would be out. Matt shakily rose from the bed. He shuffled into the bathroom, swaying slightly. He ran some water in the sink and plunged his wrist in. The water became red and Matt began to feel sick. Maybe he had gone too far this time. Raised his wrist out of the water, he examined the slash. The blood was slowly oozing out of it. Panic rose in his throat as he grabbed a nearby towel and held it to the wound, applying as much pressure as he could. A few minutes passed and the wave of nausea died down. Matt took deep breaths and sighed deeply. He removed the towel and began to clean up the wound using the first aid kit in the bathroom cupboard.  
  
After finishing in the bathroom, Matt grabbed his jacket and left the apartment. He dumped the blood-stained towel in a nearby bin, and headed to Gendo's house.  
  
**  
  
"Come on Tai, let me in". Sora pleaded. After receiving the call from Kari that something was wrong, the red head had rushed around to Tai's apartment. "Just leave me alone". Tai replied coldly.  
  
"No Tai, you're in a state, now unlock that door and let me in"! Sora ordered.  
  
"I said leave me alone". Tai argued.  
  
"Tai stop being a jerk!, have you had a fight with Matt or something"? Sora was tiring of addressing the pine door. "Don't say that name". Tai whispered harshly. He was barely audible but Sora heard the contempt in his voice. "God, what the hell has gone on tonight"? Sora asked.  
  
"Sora, please just leave me alone, I don't want to talk tonight". Tai's voice became softer and more pleading. "OK Tai, but I'll come round first thing in the morning, and I won't take no for an answer then". Sora replied.  
  
"Ok". Tai muttered. Sora nodded at the door and turned back to Kari.  
  
"He just needs to be alone tonight, I'll come by tomorrow and I'll make sure he talks then, is that alright"?  
  
"Yeah, thanks Sora". Kari smiled weakly.  
  
"Anytime". Sora returned the smile.  
  
**  
  
"G sharp, G sharp.hmmm.". Gendo muttered to himself as he stared down at the music tablature. He was suddenly distracted by a thump at his window. Gendo rolled off his bed and opened the window. He looked down to find a very distressed Matt. "Matt, do you know what time it is"? Gendo shouted down.  
  
"Sorry...I..I.just have to....". Matt stuttered.  
  
"Ladder's at the side of the shed. Just be quiet, my mom ain't too happy tonight". Gendo replied. After Matt had clumsily climbed in through the second-floor window, the pair settled on Gendo's bed. "What do you want that's so urgent"? Gendo asked, slightly annoyed. Matt didn't speak, instead he rolled up the sleeve of his turtle neck sweater, revealing the bandage. Gendo gasped a little. He looked at Matt, and Matt nodded. Gendo acknowledged this and carefully removed the bandage. He couldn't hide the shock from his face as he revealed the wound. "My God Matt..". Matt eyes trailed to the cream coloured carpet. He blinked back tears. Gendo slipped an arm around his friend's shoulders. "It'll be alright Matt, we'll get you some help".  
  
"No! you can't!. It's enough you guys knowing, swear to me Gendo, swear you won't tell Tai". Matt replied. His eyes looked fierce, despite the tears.  
  
"Alright". Gendo muttered quietly. He silently cursed himself for his slip of words with Tai. "Thanks, I couldn't cope with them knowing, I think I'd have to kill myself. I'd be so ashamed". Matt continued.  
  
"Why Matt?, they're your friends just like us. They've known you longer". Gendo reasoned.  
  
"That's the problem, they see me as this strong guy who protects his friends. I never told you guys this, but during all that stuff four years ago. I was tempted to darkness. I engaged my own digimon in mortal combat with Tai's. I acted like such a jerk, and it hurt everyone. If they found out I was cutting myself, giving in to these dark thoughts, they'd be hurt all over again. I can't do that to them, I can't do that to TK, I love him, I have to protect him. Tai, he's my angel, I can't do that to him"! Matt allowed the tears to break free and roll down his cheeks.  
  
"It's alright Matt, just calm down". Gendo sighed slightly as he hugged Matt tightly. He was beginning to regret giving Tai the note more and more. "Why do you do this Matt"? He asked.  
  
"I don't know". Matt sniffed.  
  
"What started it all off"?  
  
"Let's not talk about that, I should get back, sorry I bothered you". Matt gabbled. He made for the open window. Before Gendo had the chance to stop him, Matt was out of the window and away into the night. Gendo closed his window and leant against the wall. He closed his eyes as he thrust his head back against the wall. "Fuck".  
  
**  
  
The sun rose early, highlighting the tall buildings in Odaiba, making the skyline seem almost magical. Normally Tai loved to see this as he woke up. However, this morning was different. He buried his head under the pillow, wishing he had remembered to close the curtains the previous night. He was just drifting back into sleep, when a loud knocking on his bedroom door brought his head from under the pillow. "What?" He asked, sounding slightly irritable.  
  
"Sora's here". Came Kari's ever cheerful reply.  
  
"Alright, I'm coming". Tai replied. He climbed out of bed and pulled on some random clothes that adorned his bedroom floor. He opened the door and found his sister smiling at him. "It's a good thing Dad gave up his study so you could have your own bedroom. Otherwise I'd have spent the night on the couch". She said.  
  
"Oh very funny". Tai muttered. He made his way to the lounge area, where Sora was already seated. "Morning sunshine"! She chirped.  
  
"Yeah, morning". Tai flopped down on the couch.  
  
"So, let's get down to business. What happened last night"? Sora asked.  
  
"Nothing important". Tai replied.  
  
"Then why won't you allow us to say Matt's name"?. Sora probed.  
  
"No reason" came Tai's cold reply.  
  
"What you just can't stand to hear your boyfriend's name for no reason"? Sora asked sarcastically. "You got it". Tai mumbled.  
  
"Like hell I have Tai. Now something has happened here, and I want to know what. God knows what state Matt is in if you're like this".  
  
"Probably relieving his pain". Tai muttered.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean"? Sora looked directly into Tai's chocolate eyes.  
  
"Nothing".  
  
"God Tai, what's your problem"? Sora changed tact. Maybe the tough love thing would work. "I'm not the one with the problem". Tai fired back.  
  
"What are you going on about"?  
  
"Why not ask Matty"? Tai sneered.  
  
"Tai, don't be like that, this is the guy you love".  
  
"Correction, loved". Tai spat. Sora sighed deeply. "Well, Ken and Davis have arranged another soccer match, and you're coming".  
  
"Will HE be there"?  
  
"Yes Tai. Matt has been invited". Sora replied.  
  
"Count me out". Tai folded his arms across his chest, as if to emphasise his comment.  
  
"No, you're coming". Sora said adamantly.  
  
"Go away Sora, and tell Matt he can fuck off". Tai yelled. He leapt up and dashed back into his room, slamming the door with such a force, that the frame shook. Kari emerged from the kitchen, Sora turned and saw the tears in her eyes.  
  
**  
  
An hour later, Kari answered the door to another person knocking. She gasped when she saw who was behind it. "Matt"!  
  
"Hey Kari, is Tai in"? Matt asked. Kari noted that Matt had large dark circles under his eyes, he looked like he hadn't slept in days. "Sure, let me get him". Kari replied, leaving Matt in the hallway, she knocked gingerly on her older brother's door. "Tai"?.  
  
"What"?  
  
"Matt's here".  
  
"Tell him to go away". Tai replied fiercely.  
  
"No, I'm not doing your dirty work, if that's what you want, come out and tell him yourself". Kari said , frowning at the door. Seconds later, Tai emerged. He pushed past Kari and stormed into the hallway. Matt smiled. "Hey Tai".  
  
"Go away". Tai said coldly. He watched as hurt flashed into his lover's eyes.  
  
"What"? Matt asked.  
  
"You heard me, I know your secret Matt, you cut yourself. I don't want anything to do with you anymore, so you know what you can do?. You can FUCK OFF!. That's right Ishida, FUCK OFF"!. Tai shouted, he stormed forward and slapped Matt hard across the face. Matt started crying, his sobs became more violent. Tai just stood there and watched.  
  
"FUCK OFF YAMATO"! He yelled again. Matt didn't need telling again. He turned and fled the apartment. Tai slammed the front door shut and stormed back to his room. He ignored Kari, who had witnessed the whole event and had dissolved into tears.  
  
**  
  
Matt ran through the streets, not even sure where he was going. He sobbed as he ran, making it harder for him to breathe. Eventually, he found an alleyway and hid down there. He slowly slid down the wall and into a ball. He lay there, hugging his knees and sobbing.  
  
**  
  
"Tai, will you please let me in"? Kari asked. Once again, she found herself addressing the bedroom door. "Kari, leave me alone please". Tai replied gently. He sounded choked up.  
  
"Tai, I'm worried about you, please let me in". Kari begged. Tai must've heard the desperation in her voice, as seconds later, the door was opened. "Thanks". Kari said entering the room. Tai had gone back and sat on his bed. He fiddled with the corner of his blanket. Kari joined him, looking into her brother's red rimmed eyes. "Did you really mean all that Tai"? She asked.  
  
"I.I.don't know". Tai stuttered. He wouldn't meet her eyes.  
  
"Matt looked really hurt, and I'm worried Tai. If he really does cut himself, that might've pushed him over the edge".  
  
"What do you mean"?  
  
"Well, I'm no expert, but, I think that he only cuts because he has a reason to live. It's likely he cuts when something gets him down. He knows though, he has to live for you, so instead of going the whole way, he just cuts. The thing is though, now you told him to go away, he'll see his reason for living has gone". Kari replied softly. She gripped her brother's hand tightly.  
  
"Oh God, what have I done"? Tai whispered. "I was just shocked, I didn't mean it, I still love him". Fresh tears fell down his face. "I don't want him to die".  
  
"Then you know what you have to do".  
  
"Yeah, I gotta find him"!. Tai said, he leapt off the bed, threw on his trainers and jacket, and ran out of the bedroom door.  
  
**  
  
"Where the hell is he?, this isn't funny, we have an important gig tomorrow". Gendo fumed. The band had been waiting around for half an hour for Matt. "Maybe we could try for a bit without him, until he arrives". Akemi suggested.  
  
"What's the point?, Matt's the one who brings it all together". Toshiki replied.  
  
"I wonder where poor Matty has got to". Itsu mused.  
  
"Shut it Itsu". The others said in unison.  
  
Suddenly, the doors of the hall burst open and Matt stormed in. He looked awful, his hair was dishevelled and his eyes were red from crying. The tear tracks were still clear on his face. "Matt what the hell has happened"? Gendo asked running forward.  
  
"You know"! Matt yelled.  
  
"Matt, what's wrong"? Akemi frowned.  
  
"You told Tai about what I do!, he knows!, I told you not to tell him"! Matt fumed.  
  
"We didn't tell him". Toshiki replied. Gendo's eyes moved to the floor, they stayed there, not wanting to look up at his friends. "Gendo"? Akemi asked, turning to him.  
  
"I told Tai". Gendo mumbled.  
  
"See?, screw you Gendo!!, screw you all!, fuck this band, I QUIT"! Matt screamed, he turned and ran.  
  
**  
  
Tai ran as fast as he could to the rehearsal hall the band used. He thanked the heavens when he found the door open. He dashed in and walked right into the middle of a fight. "You told Tai?, Gendo how stupid are you"? Akemi was shouting.  
  
"Do you want to see him dead"? Toshiki continued. Gendo was simply sobbing in a heap near the stage as his band members hurled accusations at him. "Don't blame him". Tai spoke up. The band whipped around and saw Tai stood in the doorway. "It wasn't Gendo's fault. I pushed him, I knew something was wrong with Matt, so I talked to Gendo, I'd seen the cuts on Matt's arm. Gendo merely confirmed". Tai lied. Gendo looked at him with a grateful look in his eyes.  
  
"Why didn't you say that Gendo?, we're sorry, we didn't think". Toshiki helped Gendo up.  
  
"It's ok guys, what's more important is finding Matt". Gendo said sniffing. "Me and Tai will go to his apartment, Itsu, you stay here in case he comes back. Akemi, Toshiki, comb the streets. He's in a right state, we have to find him". The others nodded, Akemi and Toshiki immediately set about searching the streets. Itsu sat in a chair, all he could do was wait. Gendo and Tai left the hall and headed in the direction of Matt's apartment. "Thanks for that back there". Gendo muttered.  
  
"No problem, they don't need to know the truth. Don't blame yourself for this Gendo, it would've eventually come out. It's not something you can hide forever". Tai replied.  
  
"Let's just hope we can find Matt before something happens. He was really mad, he quit the band, I'd never forgive myself if anything happens".  
  
"If Matt is gonna do anything it'll all be my fault Gendo. When I found out about this, I was so shocked, Matt seemed perfectly happy. I saw how much he was suffering in that letter, how he'd lied to us by hiding away. I got mad, I know I shouldn't, but I did. Matt came around to my place earlier and I told him to fuck off". Tai said, blinking back tears. He heard Gendo gasp slightly.  
  
**  
  
Matt scrabbled around his dresser drawer. He couldn't find his blade, it had to be there somewhere, it had to be. Matt was serious this time, he wanted to end it, he wanted to end it all. Matt eventually found his prize, the razor blade he had stolen from the bathroom cabinet a few days earlier. He stared at the glinting metal. He smiled slightly, almost insanely. Matt carefully placed the blade on top of the dresser, he picked up and pen and scribbled a note to Tai. After he'd finished, he locked his bedroom door. Drew the curtains and sat back on the bed. He grabbed the blade and gently put it to his wrist. He took a deep breath before slashing violently.  
  
**  
  
Tai hammered on the door of Matt's apartment. However, there was no answer. Gendo looked sadly at Tai. "I'm not giving up yet"!. Tai tried the door knob. To his surprise, the door swung open. "See there's always a way"! He smiled triumphantly at Gendo. After a quick search of the apartment, Tai came to the door of Matt's bedroom. He found it locked. Tai kicked the door. "Matt? Matt? Are you in there"? He yelled. He knocked on the door. "Matt please, open up, please God Matt, I'm sorry, I love you, I really do. Just please open the door"! Tai begged. He received no reply. "I have to get in there"! He whispered to Gendo. Tai started to kick the door with his foot. Gendo snapped into action and the two boys kicked and kicked with all their might. Eventually, the door surrendered to the abuse and buckled. Tai ran into the room, and he screamed long and loud. For there, on the bed, was Matt, in a pool of his own blood, both wrists violently slashed. 


	4. Crazy for leaving you 4

Notes : So a happy ending or a sad ending?..read on!  
  
Crazy for leaving you 4  
  
Tai had always hated hospitals, the smell, the sights and the sounds were all non too appealing. However, his dislike was far from his mind as he sat in the hard plastic chair in the waiting room. He kept letting out little sobs, prompting Kari to squeeze his shoulders. "He'll be ok Tai". She whispered softly. Tai nodded and his eyes followed the floor until they came to the seats opposite him. They were occupied by TK, Mr Ishida and Mrs Takaishi. All of them looked ill, with pale faces and red rimmed eyes, sat there in silence. The ambulance seemed to have taken ages to arrive at Matt's apartment. All Tai could do was hold his lover in his arms and hope for the best. The swing doors burst open and the rest of the band ran in. "How is he"? Akemi asked.  
  
"We don't know yet". Tai whispered. He looked over to Matt's family who hadn't even acknowledged the arrival of the band. "Poor Matt". Itsu muttered. It was the first time Tai had seen him serious before.  
  
"He'll be ok I'm sure of it". Toshiki replied.  
  
"I wish everyone would stop saying that and give a definite answer". TK finally spoke up.  
  
As if on cue, a doctor appeared from the door that led to Matt's room. He held a clipboard and the look of his face gave Tai no clue to the news. "Mr Ishida"? The doctor asked.  
  
"Yes". Matt's father stood up.  
  
"I'm Doctor Hitaichi, we've just been working on your son. He lost a lot of blood due to his injuries and it's been a fight to save him, however, we think that your son will make a good recovery. He's sleeping just now, but when he wakes up he'll need to talk to the psychotherapist. We have reason to believe his injuries were self inflicted".  
  
"You mean Matt did this to himself"? Mr Ishida asked.  
  
"Yes I'm afraid while we were examining him, we found numerous scars on his arms and thighs".  
  
"He's been self-harming"? Mrs Takaishi asked, standing up.  
  
"Yes ma'am". The Doctor replied.  
  
"Did you know anything about this TK"? Mrs Takaishi turned to her younger son. TK merely shook his head. "As soon as he wakes up I'm going to get to the bottom of this"! Mr Ishida fought to keep his anger under control. "Sir, please don't be too hard on Matt". Tai whispered quietly.  
  
"Taichi, did you know about this"? Mr Ishida stared at Tai.  
  
"I found out a couple of days ago". Tai muttered, staring at the tiles on the floor.  
  
"Why didn't you come and tell me"? Mr Ishida asked gently.  
  
"Because..because...sir.THIS IS ALL MY FAULT"! Tai collapsed on the floor in tears. Mr Ishida slowly bent down and sat on the floor beside the sobbing Taichi. "What do you mean"?  
  
"Gendo let it slip...that Matt was cutting...and.and..I got mad at Matt...I yelled at him..I told him to fuck off, this is all my fault"! Tai screamed. Mr Ishida reached over and hugged Tai. "Sssh Tai, this isn't your fault. You were shocked, we all say things we don't mean, look at me, a few minutes ago I was ready to kill Matt for what he's been doing. But now I'm calmer I can see it's not the way to deal with things. Don't blame yourself Tai, just be there for Matt, he's gonna need a lot of support". Tai merely nodded, wiping away his tears.  
  
**  
  
The door slammed slightly, making Tai jump, he opened his eyes. Had he really been asleep?, he shuffled in the plastic chair and looked around, the band had left and Matt's parents and TK were still sleeping in the other chairs. Tai turned to the door, he slowly pulled himself up and stretched. The chair wasn't the most comfortable place to fall asleep. Tai crept through the door, praying he wouldn't alert one of the nurses. He wandered down the small corridor, he looked through all the observation windows of the rooms, searching for Matt. Finally, at the end of the corridor, he found Matt's room.  
  
Tai stared through the glass of the window. Matt was awake and he was staring at the ceiling, his wrists were bandaged right up to the elbows. He looked weak and small in that bed. Tai gulped and opened the door. Matt didn't turn to look who had just entered the room. He didn't care, his boyfriend didn't want him anymore, and the sooner he could get out of this place, the sooner he could do it properly this time. "Yamato...." Matt heard a soft voice whisper. He turned his head and his eyes widened to see Tai standing in the doorway. "Tai."? Matt whispered back.  
  
"Yamato...can.you..forgive me"? Tai asked, tears had started to run down his cheeks. Matt fought to hold back his own. "Tai..Tai..I..need you". Matt muttered. Tai didn't need telling twice, he ran forward and as gently as he could, scooped Matt up into a hug. It was then, that Matt allowed his tears to fall. Tai held his boyfriend closer, he started to stroke his hair as Matt sobbed violently. "I'm..sorry...Tai".  
  
"It's ok Matt, it's ok, you're still here. Ssssh.don't cry". Tai replied holding Matt closer.  
  
"I love you Tai.." Matt said quietly.  
  
"I love you too Yamato Ishida, so much". Tai kissed Matt on the forehead. "We're going to get through this together, you'll see".  
  
Tai held onto his lover, the pair talked about how they were going to help Matt get over his problem. Finally, later that night, Tai felt Matt fall asleep in his arms. Tai smiled as he watched Matt sleep, knowing deep down that things were going to be alright from now on..  
  
The End.  
  
Notes: Blah.bit of a cheesy ending, but I decided on yet another happy ending for one of my stories!. Anyways, as always read and review please, anything appreciated, except flames, cos they just suck. Momentai Yamato 


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